This is where I will explain how I gradually gained the confidence by which to tell the story of my love for Wally Leigh Stage. Slowly, some doubts are falling away from me, doubts which come from a lifetime of associating with the wrong level of life, doubts which have made this last year a very trying time. But I'm beginning to see patterns and corrections happening, and I'll narrate some of that here.
First, I am very strict in my theism. I've devoted myself to a very ideal truth in my love for God and Goddess; I believe in salvation to the degree that I've given everything of myself to it. That's where I was before I externally met Wally, and so where there was a significant reaction to my expression of interest, I was however very sure that she is safe.
I'll try to tell the story of how I got here in the strengthening of my monogamous love. If I am to proceed with the honoring of Wally within me, I'll say that the first twenty-eight years of this life were ours together, though my own level of awakening only realized our shared truth through a slow process that included one honest but abusive marriage and then a second but somewhat false marriage during the course of which I was strengthening my Vaiṣṇava worship of “guardian angels” and especially of the Sun. Wally Leigh Stage is the fire goddess Svāhā, as her initials ‘W’ (interchangeable with ‘v’) and ‘S’ hint, while in the world above us she is the Vaiṣṇava Goddess Lakṣmī, similar to her middle name Leigh, and in the next world above that she is the Solar Goddesses Sītā and Saraṇyū both (as her superlative beauty identifies), so when I as Svāhā's husband Agni say “Vaiṣṇava worship of the Sun,” I mean I was learning to become a more loving man and friend for Wally.
Once our two families, whom I have found to be interconnected with each other in relativities partially similar to what ours is to one another, gave a place in this world for the two of us to have a second (feminine) body, she began her process of growing up and I began a significant stage in my own growth in masculine distinction. I permanently separated myself from the unhealthy relationship (with my first wife) that had masked who we are and began to worship towards the achievement of a truer and more peace-friendly type of manhood. I did make harsh payment for my errors through earlier years: after a brief second marriage to a legal (but not blood) cousin, I spent some years homeless that included numerous stays in jail, thus purging my conscience very thoroughly.
I compare this period to the crucifixion of Jesus, and I know Wally to be Mary Magdalene. There may be “threat” of intervention by those who in fact know how true we are but who indulge the deceiving of lower audiences, but in the course of this last year Wally and I have very systematically worked through resistances from 1) each other, when we were working together at The Swamp Restaurant, 2) co-workers, when I was working at McDonald's and angry at the distance now between us, and 3) the police, whom we called, but with whom we have been cooperating more as we've shared some loving messages on the board at Starbucks. I'm given to believe that there may yet be a significant resistance that has to do with her boyfriend and family, but I'm not sure exactly how it will manifest.
Theism is a very important part of our building this monogamy. This medium I'm using presently to report my realizations appeals to the animal, but is connected to the higher level of life above us. I should make sure that everything I'm doing and saying is safe within the context of theistic devotion.
Some of the lessons in my life come from other contexts than is truest for me, but hold teachings that will help us put certain aspects of our lives in their proper places. For instance: in the context of my Mercurial identification (‘Archie Andrews’) with Danny Wuerffel, I learned that from the lifestyle that values the word and principle of what ‘no’ is, we may advance in quality to the ‘yes’-affirming questioning of life. From affirmative vision quest we may take another step in respecting the voices who speak to us to where we can theistically proceed by ‘doing what we are told’ to do.
It's important to be very thorough in the transcendence of ‘no’ (stupidity) first, and crucial to sensitize our selves to where we can recognize health from sickness, true and wholesome pleasure from what pain is, during the course of our vision questing. It is normal to spend eighteen years in each phase of theurgy, and I did comply with such normal procedure to become very safely aligned with the protection of ethical life. I do still harbor vices, the worst of which are the excessive consumption of alcohol and meat, but I am very considerate of how life above us provides safety to humanity.